Teaching kids to have and respect physical boundaries

I want to teach my kids to respect people's physical space and also to have the courage to protect their own physical boundaries from others.

I had never really thought about this until I read an article that explain how one mother doesn't make her kids hug or kiss anyone they don't want to, relatives included. If grandma wants a kiss on the cheek but the kid doesn't want to, they don't guilt the kid into it. I thought that was so interesting because it had never occurred to me that kids don't HAVE to kiss grandma if they don't want to.

It is so ingrained in me that I must hug or kiss or shake hands with certain people in certain situations. For a kid to refuse a good bye hug or kiss on the cheek is considered very rude and we will cajole that kid into agreeing to it. Sometimes people will even grab the kid and force them to give the hugs or kisses. This all seems so innocent and even comical, the idea of the grumpy kid with red lipstick smudged on his face, until you think about the deeper implications of what is being taught.

My children's bodies will be their own. I won't make them touch anyone when they don't happily give their consent. I want to teach my daughters to respect their bodies and to empower them to be able to say 'no thank you' so that no one can guilt them into more sinister physical contact. I want them to feel like their bodies are their own, and not public property or the property of whoever has power over them.

I want my children to respect that other people's bodies are also private. I don't want my children to force touch on anyone else. I certainly want my children to respect consensual touch and to stop when someone else says 'no'.  I don't want my children to have the idea that they are 'owed' touch from someone because they are in power over them, they are stronger and bigger than they are (or they bought them a drink someday).  I want the message to be loud and clear.

My body is my body. Your body is your body.

I've personally struggled with feeling like, as a woman, I had to submit to touch that I didn't want to 'get along' and 'not make things awkward' or just because I didn't really know how to say NO when the moment came. I don't ever want my kids to have that. I want them to feel empowered over their own bodies and to be able to politely (or strongly) decline and know that it is OKAY to say no!

I want boundaries to be respected and I want to start teaching that as young as possible.

Do you make your kids kiss you goodbye? Do you make them hug grandma even if they don't want to? How are you teaching your kids to respect physical boundaries?


Annotated Bibliography

I don't own my child's body. Katia Hettler. http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/index.html


The Healthy Sex Talk: Teaching Kids Consent: Ages 1 - 21. The Good Man Project. http://goodmenproject.com/families/the-healthy-sex-talk-teaching-kids-consent-ages-1-21/