How can something so delicious be bad???
Pic from here.
The interesting thing was the way she framed the advice. She was very careful to hedge the info with clarifications that she wasn't judging or preaching or anything like that but that she hoped I would read the information she had. I TOTALLY get why she hedged it like that, too. People get absolutely crazy when it comes to advice about their kids.
Last year I was sending very helpful science-backed advice to my cousin, who had just had a baby, when I noticed her making what appeared to be bad choices. One that really stuck out to me was she would leave my one month old cousin in front of a movie for extended periods of time. As a linguist, I know that screen time for an infant can lead to speech delays so I told her so and sent her an article to read. She flipped out at me and it wasn't long after that that we stopped speaking. We still don't speak to this day. She absolutely could not STAND me sending her information from experts giving her any advice about how she was raising her child.
I get that I can't really understand what it's like to be a mother yet and to have all that pressure and all those opinions thrown on me and all that guilt and worry. I get that I can't fathom how the hormones will change me and how I will be tired and worried and stressed. I just hope that I am NEVER in a place in which people are actually afraid to share valuable scientific knowledge with me and to warn me when I'm possibly harming my child. I crave advice, especially when it is based in science, and hope that I always am open to it.
I SO appreciate that my friend was careful to present the information in this way that, even if I were being sensitive, I would be likely to receive the information that could protect me and the baby.
How about you? Are or were you sensitive to advice about your kids? Have you experienced negative feedback from a new mom like I did? Am I definitely going to turn into a crazy person who won't listen to peoples' advice when I have a baby?
As long as it's backed by science and research, I'm good. What I hate are the :
ReplyDelete"That's dumb, I ate whatever I wanted while pregnant and my kid is fine "
" Smoking while pregnant is fine, doctors don't know everything "
After casualty mentioning my daughter can now have cow's milk at a year old and she should drink whole milk and I buy organic milk I just get, " Oh all that is just a bunch of hooey"
I'm tired of the dumb advice to just do whatever because experts don't know everything and therefore science and research are a waste of time
The negative feedback I get is usually from the ignorant trying to make fun of me for listening to science or carrying about research.
"People have been having babies long before there were books on it "
I use cloth diapers" Oh that's dumb. You'll don't know what a hassle doing tons of diapers is like, you'll cave an use disposables"
I tried breastfeeding until my daughter was one (unfortunately I dried up at 10 months) and I still people are like "That's dumb. Formula is so much easier"
I waited to give my daughter any kind of sugary treat. "That's dumb, I'm going to sneak her chocolate chips when you're not looking"
I don't do the cry it out method "That's dumb. Babies should be made to live in our world not the other way around. If you want sleep just let the baby cry. She'll get the point"
Yea, tired of it.
Btw, I'm glad Fiona let you know because I meant to and forgot. I was like "Wow that's an interesting choice in diet I'll have to check on pregnant women eating liver when I get the chance"
Yea I cut out deli meats, hot dogs, etc. Later in my pregnancy I think I had a turkey sandwich or two, but I always cooked the heck out of the meat first.
Yeaaahh... I don't mind hearing other peoples' experience anecdotal advice (I let my kids do X or I do Y) but if it isn't backed up by science, they better not try to imply that I HAVE to do it or that I SHOULD do it or that it's the best thing. I rely on science and experience together. Well, I will rely, I should say.
DeleteI also think it is really curious and sad that people use the 'I didn't do what's best for my kid and my kid turned out fine so you shouldn't do what's best for your kid' thing. Like, what? I am going to be creating a whole new human being from scratch that will live with the consequences of my actions and inactions for the rest of his or her LIFE. If you don't want to do that best job on your little human, that's your choice, but you better believe I'm doing all my homework and going for all the bonus points I can get. I want to make the best little human possible!!!
ANYWAY.... SADLY.... a lot of the benefits and detriments of the prenatal and baby care aren't even seen until late adulthood and when elderly. They have now done studies that are long term enough that they can see how the choices of the mother effect the person until they are elderly. WOW. I don't want my kid to have an increased risk of alzheimer's because I didn't give him or her enough care and nurturing as a baby. Yes, that really happens.
I really, really, really like when advice comes with a link to an article from a reputable source. :)
ReplyDeleteMe, too! That's why I have an annotated bibliography at the end of the most of the blogs. I actually keep adding to them as I go along.
DeleteMe, too! That's why I have an annotated bibliography at the end of the most of the blogs. I actually keep adding to them as I go along.
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