This is another one of those topics that seems to send people into blind fits of rage.
Spanking. Physical discipline. Hitting your child.
I'll start with my personal experience, then go to the science.
I was spanked as a child. I still love my parents and I always did. I'm a nonviolent person, as an adult, but I was a really aggressive kid. I was a hard headed and hyperactive and that got me into trouble. I was "weird" so I was teased a lot and I got into fights at school and was spanked, put in time out, and even suspended in twice in middle school.
Once high school started I really mellowed out and never got into any real trouble again. My dad has told me that I was, overall, a good teenager and nothing to worry about. I stayed home watching Disney movies when other kids were out partying and I didn't like to be in trouble so I generally did as I was told. My parents weren't control freaks or anything, so it wasn't hard for me to respect their rules and stay out of trouble. I did some stuff they didn't like, but I mostly kept that to myself so it didn't cause any waves.
My parents spanked me because it was what they were told was best for me. They are conservatives and 'spare the rod, spoil the child' is very popular in conservative circles. My parents spanked me because they thought it was the right thing to do, they wanted to keep me safe, and they believed, based on the data they had, that that was the right way to help shape me into the best possible woman I could be.
Science, however, does not support that. There have been lots of studies done and time and again, spanking has been shown to be an ineffective method of disciplining children. Spanking correlates to depression, anxiety, aggression, and deceptive behavior in children, teens, and adults. I am not saying this because I have a personal agenda against spanking. My parents spanked me and I like to think I turned out alright myself. I've never been to jail. I'm successful, functional, and overall, happy.
Now, this is the hard part, as long as I can remember I've suffered from anxiety, bouts of depression, and, as I stated, as a child I was aggressive. It is hard to say if being physically punished as a child contributed to this, and I don't blame my parents because I know they did the best they could with what they knew, but I also don't want to risk even possibly contributing to the long term physiological suffering of my children. I'm sure if my parents had the information I have now, they would have reconsidered their disciplinary methods.
The science indicates that spanking causes fear in children and teaches them control through physical force. Physical discipline can actually damage the brain of a young child. The strong fear and pain chemicals that are released can have a long lasting effect on the human brain, the effect is not positive.
Studies done comparing the outcomes of physically disciplined children verses children who are disciplined in another way shows that children who are hit and spanked become more aggressive, get into more and more trouble, and are more likely to end up in jail. That's the hard data speaking loud and clear: if you hit your kids, you are teaching them to use physical force to control others and you are filling their brains with negative chemicals that can cause long term damage.
Now, you may tell me that spanking a kid is the only way to get them to stop a behavior sometimes. It's not true. Kids who are spanked are not more likely to stop a behavior long term... they are just more likely to HIDE their bad behavior from you. I am certain that the goal of a parent who is disciplining a child is not to have them hide their behavior, it is to get them to change their behavior.
So, if I can't spank my child, then what? What can I do?
Well, that's a blog for another day.
If you have been spanking your children please don't feel guilty but also please don't continue. Now you know better. Now you know that it does way more harm than good. It isn't too late to change your behavior and repair the damage that is being done.
How were you disciplined? Does it effect you as an adult? Does it effect how you discipline your children? How do you discipline your children?
Annotated Bibliography
Childhood maltreatment can leave scars in the brain. Jon Hamilton. http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/11/04/242945454/childhood-maltreatment-can-leave-scars-in-the-brain. 4 Nov 13
You're not raising better children by spanking them - You're raising more aggressive ones. Maria Guido. http://www.mommyish.com/2013/10/21/spanking-makes-children-more-aggressive/. 21 Oct 13.
Spanking is bad parenting, but it shouldn't be illegal. Lindsey Cross. http://www.mommyish.com/2012/09/07/spanking-bad-parenting-illegal-canada-417/ 7 Sept 12.
Goodbye to 'Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child' - Spanking Proves Harmful, again. Lindsey Cross. http://www.mommyish.com/2012/07/02/goodbye-to-spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child-spanking-proven-harmful-again-939/. 2 Jul 12.
I was spanked but only a few times and not in anger or to the level most people would consider abuse. A swat on the butt or upper thigh. I don't think I was or am an aggressive person, neither are my 3 siblings. I also didn't lie to my parents or how things. I was a pretty straight laced kid. A goody two shoes. I can actually only remember one spanking and it was in 3rd grade for lying to my parents about stealing. A double wammy. Can't remember a single other incident.
ReplyDeleteI agree spanking shouldn't be used, there are better methods as my behavior modification practice forces me to find (most parents wouldn't pay a therapist to come spank for them)
But I wonder if all the studies you read accounted for variables like income, race and education. Because the majority of those that spank also belong to other people groups that might also be affecting the outcomes. I heard something on NPR taking about low socioeconomic African American families and spanking.
Also the chicken and egg situation. The kids that get spanked more often (my brother was spanked more than I was - same parents, same family, s gender a factor? Or did he get in trouble more than I did... Which he did) tend to already be more trouble makers or aggressive in the first place.
How can you account for that in the studies?
Again, I'm not pro-spanking. I don't spank in my behavior intervention practice and I don't intend to spank my own children. But I know with children it's hard to prove causation over correlation.
Speaking
*PS All of my siblings and I have great relationships with our parents too :)
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