My response to 7 things ' good parents' do that screw their kids up

I admit it. I'm addicted to Cracked. I love that site. Today they posted an interesting blurb that is definitely close to my interests so, for your pleasure, here is my

Here is the original article. It's clever, give it a look.

So, now my response:

1. Giving your kid a creative name.

I've actually read a couple of studies that indicate that an unusual, hard to pronounce, or *grimace* ethnic sounding name can be a life long hindrance. In this article they claim that people with weird names are more likely to end up in jail. Is it the name or is it that unusual names are more common among ethnic minorities and people of lower socioeconomic class?  The 'most common names of bad boys' they give are Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell and Walter. They don't show their sources, however, or explain how they decided that these are the bad boy names. Are these the most common names in prison? Also, I don't think any of these names look creative at all. In fact, most of them are very old and traditional.

2. Teaching them to be themselves

This one was really interesting. They sited a study that showed that kids who were taught to notice and follow social rules were more well adjusted then kids taught to 'just be themselves' and not to care what other people think.  I believe there is a fine line here.  I think kids should be taught to critically evaluate social situations and make decisions based on the real outcomes of their actions. I was always a 'be yourselfer' and as a young child it did make me socially undesirable. As a I grew older I learned to evaluate my actions and contemplate the outcome: will this decision positively or negative impact my ability to have healthy social interactions? I think they need to learn to think for themselves and to stand by their own values but I also do think the greater implications of their actions also require some self reflection and consideration.

3. Making them play sports

This one touched on the competitive nature of sports and how coaches encourage academic dishonesty.  I want my kids to be physically active but I won't allow them to participate in anything too dangerous or full of social pressure. It just isn't worth it. Sorry future Oscar or Juniper, no football. No way. I'm hoping they will be interesting in martial arts, soccer, track and field, maybe even basketball (if they get tell genes from my paternal side).

4. Starting them in school early.

The article claims that studies show that kids who start school early are more likely to become drop outs and live in their parents basements. The stress and anxiety of school for those who aren't emotionally and socially mature enough at the start is too much to handle.  I definitely don't understand the rush to get kids into and through school. I want my kids to be well balanced human beings and to take their time enjoying their youth. I will likely put them in some kind of part time preschool for socialization when they are under 5, but I don't want my kids starting school until they are ready: mind, body, and spirit.

5. Warning them about strangers.

This section claims that too much stranger danger talk actually makes kids grow up to be racist and xenophobic. It also points out that most child molesters are molesting kids they know well. Yes, it's usually family members or close friends of the family hurting children. Disgusting.  I hope to expose my kids to enough interesting and diverse culture so that they won't turn out closed minded. I also hope to keep them safe by teaching them about their bodies, about proper limits, and to instill in them ownership of their own bodies. Also, martial arts can't hurt.

6. Heaping (unearned) praise on them

This one was VERY interesting. Apparently kids who are overpraised believe they are so naturally amazing that they are less likely to work hard at something.  Wow. I want to make sure little Mazes are ambitious and hard working. I've read about this before and, I believe, the solution is to praise their hard work and to encourage them to keep trying. I want my kids to have great self esteem, but I also want them to understand that natural talent isn't nearly enough, hard work is required to do things very well.

EDIT: Some friends posted some interesting advice about this one on my facebook link. Here it is:

• FRIEND ONE:  re: the praise issue, it has more to do with the domain you praise them in. Tell children they're smart and they will typically skip tasks that they aren't good at because that challenges their self-concept of being smart. Tell children they're really hard workers and they tend to persevere in the face of difficulty because that matches what they believe about themselves!
  
  It also matters whether they believe being 'smart' is something unchangeable and genetic or a product of hard work and practice.
• FRIEND TWO: research shows people more often tell girls they are smart and boys they are hard working...(see above for what then happens)...i don't believe everything i read but i do tell my girl she worked really hard and practiced and that is how she got better...

  
  

7. Showing them educational videos

YEP. I did a whole blog entry on this already. Screen time is terrible for children. Don't do it. Just don't.