US vs THEM

I just read an interesting opinion piece about modeling behavior for children. It specifically talked about teaching the pragmatics of conversation and the different expectations we have for ourselves and our children. It made me think about power dynamics, how we view children, and the old 'practice what you preach' mantra.

Here is the article, Do the very thing you ask of them. It's really short, go ahead and give it a quick read.

I'll just be looking at picture of cute baby animals while I wait for you to finish reading. 

Take your time.

Having been a school teacher, I know that many of you won't do the reading assignment so I'll give you the highlights. The author, Tsh, challenges parents to teach manners by example. She points out that we all tell our children not to interrupt other people when they are speaking, but, we, as adults, often interrupt and cut off children when they are speaking. She points out the double standard and challenges herself, and the readers, to give children the same respect we want them to show others.

So, this is a topic that really has grabbed my attention as a linguist.  Parents are, whether they realize it or not, teaching pragmatics and social cues to their kids.  I am embarrassed to admit that this (interrupting) is one area I really struggle with. I like to blame my ADHD. I interrupt people way too much and I'm actually actively trying to work on it and to be more respectful. I certainly don't want to pass on my bad behavior to my kids so, if Tsh is onto something here, I really need to work on my own behavior.

Do you agree? Are we obliged to wait patiently and listen to the rambling stories of three-year-olds or, as adults, are we allowed to break the no interrupting rule?

The article raised interesting thoughts for me about power dynamics.  We, as adults, have privileges that children don't have. We can say 'adult words', drink 'adult drinks' and we have a much later bedtime. Where do we draw the line between 'modeling good behavior' and exercising adult privilege?

At what point are we being hypocritical with our actions? I don't think parents, as adults, should have to refrain from ALL behavior that children aren't allowed to engage in BUT I do see where she is coming from. If we tell our children that it is very rude to interrupt people, and then we interrupt them, aren't WE being rude and setting a bad example?  I've known parents who swore around their children, but punished children for swearing. I've known parents who spank their children for hitting other children. Doesn't this teach control and power through violence?

I briefly tried to find some science to back up her opinions but I don't think I'm searching properly. I'd love to hear your opinions on this topic and, if you find any science, share it.

Annotated Bibliography

Opinions

Do they very thing you ask of them. Tsh. http://simplemom.net/do-the-very-thing-you-ask-of-them/ 21 October 2013.
In this article a mother challenges other parents to teach their children good communication skills and manners by modeling good communication skills to them. Don't interrupt your kids, actively listen to them, treat them with the respect you want them to show others.

Exercise: Leading by Example. Linda Younes. http://blog.epa.gov/blog/2012/10/exercise-leading-by-example/. 4 October 2012
In this article, the author talks about the importance of eating a healthy diet and exercising as a good example for your children. If you tell your kids it is better to eat fruit and veg, and then you eat junk, you are sending the wrong message.

Research

Evidence for Leading by Example. Bret L Simmons. http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2011-04/evidence-for-leading-by-example/. 13 April 2011.
This article summarizes some research done that indicates that adults in the work place will follow the example of their supervisors, if the examples are conspicuous.