First comes the love, then comes the marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage?

I love modern families. I have friends of pretty much configuration of love, marriage, baby carriage you can think of.  

I have friends who got knocked up so they decided to get married and then they fell in love.

I have friends who fell in love, had a baby, then got married.

I have friends who got married, fell in love, and then had a baby.

I also have friends who are married and not in love. Who have kids together and are not married. Who are married and in love and never want kids. Who live in a polyamorous configuration that involves love, not love, kids, no kids, and hard to keep up with legal situations.

I even have some friends who, shockingly, did it the traditional way.

I actually prefer k-i-s-s-i-n-g on the ground where things can escalate more comfortably. 

pic from this photographer

I am friends with a couple who claim that they won't get married (despite years of partnership and co-habitation) because then everyone will start asking them when they are going to have a baby and they aren't ready to deal with that,.

I honestly haven't felt a lot of pressure or gotten a lot of comments about babies since we got married. Maybe it's because we had an understandable situation, one partner with unstable income and one with no income who would soon have loads of income. I guess people understood why we were waiting. I wonder, now that our situation is changing, if I'll get more hints dropped or questions asked.

Then again, maybe people just secretly think we shouldn't have children. The combination of my insanity and his brilliance would be lethal. We could have a mad scientist on our hands here. With his problem solving skills and my charisma, our off spring could be the anti-Christ. O.O

Sometimes I hear people talk about getting married and having kids like its some inevitable next step. I've even heard women whining and crying that their boyfriends better propose soon because they don't want to have 'wasted all this time on him for nothing'.  One woman who did this fought with her boyfriend constantly. I mean threw things at each other across the house screaming and cussing, kicking and screaming, fighting. They are now married. She didn't want to 'waste her time'. We lost touch a while back. I hope married life is better than dating life was. I truly do.

You are dating, so you have to fall in love. You fall in love, so you have to get engaged. You get engaged, so you have to get married. You get married, so you have to have kids. 

Sometimes I don't think people even stop and consider if any of these things are a good idea.  I try not to live by 'have tos'.  When looking for a partner, love was part of it, but there was also a lot of pragmatic thought that went into it. Who is this person? What do we have in common, besides feelings. Where is this person going and where am I going? Is this a good partner or am I just falling into the 'don't want to be lonely' trap? Is this really a sustainable long term partnership? Do I WANT this life?

I would NEVER have married someone I got into physical fights with. That wasn't the life I wanted. But sometimes people just follow the steps. Love. Marriage. Baby Carriage. That's what I'm supposed to do.

I want my kids to know, here and now, you were not inevitable. You were not the next step. You were not just what I did because it was time. You weren't an after thought. You weren't

You were wanted. You were planned for. You were dreamed of. You were researched. You were blogged about. You were loved fiercely and completely before you were even conceived. Here I am, your mom, right here right now in 2013 dreaming about you. Taking my vitamins. Reading about conception. Preparing my body to prepare you for the best possible life.

Sure, I did love, marriage, baby carriage but if you do it another way, child o' mine, that's fine by me. You will make your own choices and live your own life and whichever life you live, traditional or not, as long as you are LIVING your life and THINKING about what you are doing I will support you and, even if you are just going through the motions, I'll still love you, fiercely.