Halloween... what's scarier: the decor or the high fructose corn syrup?

I love Halloween. I love the costumes, the food, and the absolute social permission to let loose.

I even like slutty Scooby Doo, and I don't even like Scooby Doo.

Photo from this anti-slutty Halloween blog.

I love the creativity and skill that go into homemade costumes. I love the tacky decorations. I love the memories I have of coming home with huge sacks of candy from a night's work.

Speaking of that candy, it today's day and age of childhood obesity and fear of high fructose corn syrup... what options do modern, thoughtful parents have when it comes to Halloween?  I really want my kids to cherish the memories of being a kid and collecting loads of goodies and enjoying them, like I do, but I don't want my kids negatively impacting their wellness by overindulging on trash food.

Luckily, I don't have to do the research on this one because this AMAZING article by Melinda Wenner Moyer goes into detail about exactly why most candy is bad for your kids... and why it is even worse to be overly strict on Halloween with otherwise healthy kids. 

In summary, she says the consequences of kids splurging every once in a while is pretty minimal, as long as they are otherwise healthy. Psychologically, however, being very overtly restrictive with candy can cause kids to crave it more, sneak it, and have a negative relationship with food.  If you tell them NO candy and are very strict, they will want it even more. If you don't make a big deal out of candy, they will still want it, but the desire will be more reasonable.

I plan to let my kids enjoy Halloween in all its glory someday, even if it does mean letting them splurge on something I will normally work towards covertly restricting from their diets.

Opinions, cute stories, and science welcomed, as always.

Annotated Bibliography

Let them eat candy! Melinda Wenner Moyer.  http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/the_kids/2013/10/halloween_candy_let_your_kids_eat_it.single.html 30 October 2012.

Field research

Today I conducted some field research on a 6 month old male baby.

Maybe this was a bit excessive.

Okay, not really 'field research', I was just hanging out with my friend with a baby. :)

It is really interesting to be actually playing with a baby while I'm planning for one of my own and reading up on baby science. It is fun to compare what I'm reading against what the reality of a real baby is.

It also makes me realize that reading a lot of general things about babies is making me kind of confused about what they can do when. I was asking all sorts of random questions about abilities babies have and my friend laughed a bit as I was way off on some things. She told me not to worry, that I'd know if my own baby could do X or Y (like sit up on his own... which I found out this baby can't when I walked off and left him sitting up, sending mom running across the room to put a pillow behind him).

It makes me wonder if I'm over preparing now and if all this info is just going to be mixed crazily in my head.

How much research and preparation did you do when you were planning for a baby?

The A.D.H.D

Is ADHD nurture or nature? Is it food coloring? Is it a lack of discipline? It is made up? Is it chemical imbalance?

I'm not really sure what this chart means, 

I was too distracted by all the colors to read the article, but, man, it sure looks impressive.

ADHD is short for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. If you don't know what ADHD is, you should go here and read the criteria. Basically, people with ADHD have low impulse control, excessive energy, and difficulty focusing.

According to the Center for Disease Control, ADHD is hereditary, not environmental. They claim that the science shows that your diet, environment, and upbringing don't have any bearing on your ADHD. Despite that claim, there are still loads of articles insisting that chemicals found in food, especially food dye, is really causing ADHD. None of them seem to have any substantial evidence and yet, people love to spread that as if it were fact. This article even claims there are certain kinds of food you can eat to control ADHD.

I read another article that said that in the US we consider it biological and we treat it with medications but in France, the consider it behavioral and they treat it with behavior therapy. According to the article, ADHD rates are significantly lower in France. Could this mean they are on to something?

I guess it seems premature to be worrying about ADHD now but I've always had it and, for some reason, it seems inevitable that I will pass it on to my offspring. I feel really fortunate that I've been able to employ some coping mechanisms to allow me to be successful. I know a lot of people who pin their lack of success in life on their ADD/ADHD. I, of course, can't know if I would have been even MORE successful without it, but I am happy with where I am and how my life is.

I guess I'm afraid that my kids might not have the same perfect storm of ADHD, creativity, drive, and people-pleaser that I have that have allowed me to channel my ADHD into a vivid life full of achievements and memories.

It is, of course, possible that my kids will take after their dad and won't have ADHD or that they will have ADHD and be able to use it to their advantage, like I do.

If any of you have ADHD children and have any advice, please post it here.


Annotated Bibliography
Why French Kids Don't Have ADHD. Dr. Marilyn Wedge.  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/suffer-the-children/201203/why-french-kids-dont-have-adhd 8 March 2012

This article compares and contrasts the American and French attitude about and approach to ADHD. Basically, Americans see it as a biological issue and medicate ADHD kids; the French see it as a sociological issue and deal more directly with behavior.

CDC - ADHD, Facts. Center for Disease Control. http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/facts.html 16 Jul 2013.

This page gives an overview of ADHD. Most significantly, it states that ADHD is genetic and not caused by sugar, food coloring, TV, or parenting habits.

5 food to feed your child with ADHD. Jean Weiss http://healthyliving.msn.com/diseases/adhd/5-foods-to-feed-your-child-with-adhd%E2%80%94and-5-to-avoid-1

This article claims that you can feed your kids a diet that will help control ADHD.

ADHD cause unlikely to be dopamine dysfunction. Dr. Catherine Paddock. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/268016.php 29 Oct 13.

This article explains that new research is reframing the way we look at the biological cause of ADHD. The scary thing is that children are being chemically treated for a disorder that we still don't actually know the root of.

Important Information about ADHD. The ADHD Support Site. http://www.attentiondeficit-add-adhd.com/adhd_add_information.htm

Back to the drawing board...

I just saw both girl names I liked best, Eleanor and Penelope, on the top 10 names for 2013 list. Aw well. Back to the drawing board. At least I know now, before we are even TTC, and not later, when I already had my heart set on it.

:P

THANKS A LOT 2013 MOMS.

Color and culture: the world's gone crazy

People really lose their minds when it comes to colors.

Why do you care what gender I am? I'm just a baby. It's not like you can date me.

Photo from this article.

Like, really seriously lose their minds.

My aunt had a baby boy. A lady from her church hand made him a beautiful baby blanket. The blanket was mostly green and yellow with some extra detailing on it. There was a little bit of pink on the blanket. When her in laws saw this blanket they yelled at her for 'trying to turn their grandson gay' or 'trying to make him into a girl'. They weren't joking. They seriously believed that a little bit of pink of a baby blanket was going to turn the little baby boy into either a woman or a homosexual. What.

Is this a chicken/egg situation? Girls aren't girls BECAUSE they are dressed in pink. Someone needs to explain correlation and causation to these people.

It's really frustrating to see how rigid people are when it comes to color and gender. 100 years ago pink and reds were considered too passionate and strong to be for women, they were male colors. Blue was calming and was appropriate for women. In fact, before the 1940s, all babies were dress pretty much the same.

 

This cute little girl grew up to be president! 

President FDR, age 2 and 1/2

Photo from this article.

It's a miracle I grew up to be a straight man, since my mom dressed me like a girl when I was a baby!!

President FDR, age 52

Photo from this webpage.

The really sad thing to me is the insistence on keeping gender so rigid and separate. I am a woman but I am proud of my masculine traits. I feel like they contribute positively to my experience as a human being. I adore my husband's feminine traits. I would never have fallen in love with a hyper masculine macho man. I truly hope my children have a mix of feminine and masculine traits, and that they embrace them.

Now, you may be rolling your eyes and saying GET OVER IT, WHO CARES and QUIT JUST TRYING TO BE WEIRD. Right? I should just dress my boys in blue and my girls in pink because it's what everyone does and if I don't I'm only bringing scorn and confusion upon my children.

The thing is, it DOES matter because people react differently to babies based on what they perceive the gender of the baby is. Seriously. There have been actual studies done about babies, gender, and socialization. Basically, if people think a baby is a girl they will be more gentle with her, treat her nicer, allow her to cry more, and will perceive what she is doing differently than if they think she is a boy. If people think a baby is a boy they will play rough with him, discourage him from crying, and, again, whatever he does is filtered through this 'boy' filter. I highly encourage you to read this article that summarizes a bunch of different studies over babies and gender.

So, I don't want people to socialize my sons to be macho and insensitive. I don't want them to scold him more harshly if he cries. I don't want him to be reinforced to be rough. I want my sons to be strong and sensitive, like their dad. I don't want people to socialize my daughters to be weak and passive. I want my girls to be strong and sweet. I want my kids to be whatever people they ARE but I don't want society to push push push them to be some imagined image of MAN and WOMAN from when they are just little babies! I want both of my children to experience love and nurturing and active play and baby dolls and legos and toy cars. 

I don't want my baby girls to always receive only 'girl' toys and my baby boys to always receive only 'boy' toys. 

I want the whole world for all my kids: the whole range of beautiful, ugly, fun, crazy, analytical, creative, sensitive, and strong experiences. I don't want them to grow up to be good girls and good boys, I want them to grow up to be excellent, amazing, well-rounded human beings.

Annotated Bibliography

Boy Pink: My son's favorite color is pink and people are losing their minds. Carinn Jade. http://www.mommyish.com/2012/11/02/boy-pink/ 2 Nov 2012

In this article the author discusses the reactions people have to her son's favorite color: pink. Most people try to persuade him to choose something 'boy' colored, some even attack his masculinity.


When did girls start wearing pink? Jeanne Maglaty. http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/When-Did-Girls-Start-Wearing-Pink.html. 8 April 2011.

In this article, the author traces the history of infants and fashion, touching on the evolution of the gendering of color preferences.


Baby boy? Baby girl? Baby X! Bethany Brookshire.  http://scientopia.org/blogs/scicurious/2011/03/09/baby-boy-baby-girl-baby-x/. 9 March 2011

In this article, the author summarizes a bunch of studies over how people react to and perceive the actions of babies based on what gender they think they are.

What's my baby's klout score?

Hello. My name is Elizabeth and I'm an addict. I'm addicted to Facebook. Anyone who knows me AT ALL knows this within an hour of meeting me and anyone who chooses to be my Facebook friend quickly discovers that I have to get a Facebook fix frequently.

Here is a lovely photo of me in my natural habitat: checking in on Facebook.

I'm guilty of posting pictures of my food, writing statuses specially formulated to start cat fights between my strongly opinionated friends from all over the world, and, yes, even posting selfies. Whatever. Don't you judge me.

Even my dogs have their own Facebooks. Yes, plural. They each have their own Facebook. They aren't very active or anything but I do tag them in pictures and, sometimes, check them in or post a funny status update.

So, of course, I think it is a given that someday I will make a Facebook for my fetus so that I can post pictures and baby stories to my heart's delight for my friends and family who are interested to enjoy. I thought this would be a good alternative to just spamming ALL of my Facebook friends with every precious moment of Baby Maze's precious existence. I plan to set it private so that only those invited can see it. It will be a cute way to keep a record of Baby Maze from conception on. I imagine that kids will have some other social media site they prefer by the time Baby Maze is old enough to be allowed to have their own actual social media profile.

So, I've heard a lot of arguments against this AND against posting anything about your kids online. I have friends who are very restrictive about pictures of their children going around. They tell me they are afraid that predators will see their kids and use the photos for horrid purposes or, worse, actually come after the children. That seems a bit paranoid to me, but I totally respect their right to keep their children's photos private and under restricted access with no sharing OR to not have any photos of them online at all.

There are also some who argue that posting photos and stories about your kids is invasion of their privacy. In We post nothing about our daughter online,Amy Webb expresses concerns about face recognition software and data mining being used against her daughter someday. She says she posts absolutely nothing at all about her daughter on the internet.

Well, I don't want to expose my kids to online pedophiles or ruin their chances of getting into college because of embarrassing baby photos BUT... I just can't imagine NOT posting about my baby online. It seems like almost EVERYONE does it. Why would a predator choose my random baby out of the millions upon millions in Facebook feeds everyday? Also, don't you think in 20 years, when my kids is applying for college, there will be so many millions of embarrassing baby pictures floating around that they will just be completely uninteresting by then?

In Someone catfished my kids and they went viral, Carinn Jade found herself looking at a Facebook meme with HER children in it an some made up BS story. She was outraged and felt violated. Someone took her actual children and invented a story about them and millions of people believe it. There are a mix of comments in the comment threads, some supportive and some ugly, and she fears what her children will think if they ever read that.

I'm very curious to hear your take on this. Is it okay to post pictures of your kids online? Do you post their names? Where do you post? Do you take any precautions? Is it super paranoid to NOT post? Do you have any concerns about what all this online baby book bonanza will mean for children as they grow up?

Annotated Bibliography
Someone catfished my kids and they went viral. Carinn Jade.  by http://www.mommyish.com/2013/09/03/someone-catfished-my-kids-and-they-went-viral/. 3 Sept 2013

A woman allowed a website to post a picture of her kids. The picture, with a fake story attached to it, went viral. Now she is afraid that strangers will recognize and harass them.

We post nothing about our daughter online. Amy Webb.  http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/data_mine_1/2013/09/facebook_privacy_and_kids_don_t_post_photos_of_your_kids_online.html. 4 Sept 13

The author argues that with face recognition software on the rise, and big brother peering into everything, you should not post pictures of your children online. You should protect their right to privacy and allow them to control where their image is posted.

Posting pictures of my kids does not make me a bad parent. Andrew Leonard.    http://www.salon.com/2013/09/04/posting_pictures_of_my_kid_on_facebook_does_not_make_me_a_bad_parent/

In a response to We post nothing about our daughter online, this article emphasizes the importance of creating and building community as we share pictures and stories of our children.

Should Parents Post Pictures of their Kids on Facebook? http://healthland.time.com/2013/09/06/should-parents-post-pictures-of-their-kids-on-facebook/. Eliana Dockterman. 6 Sept 13.

This article discusses the frequency of parents' posting pictures and info of their children on Facebook, and argues that the lack of anonymity could create a whole generation of Miley Cyrus's going wild.

US vs THEM

I just read an interesting opinion piece about modeling behavior for children. It specifically talked about teaching the pragmatics of conversation and the different expectations we have for ourselves and our children. It made me think about power dynamics, how we view children, and the old 'practice what you preach' mantra.

Here is the article, Do the very thing you ask of them. It's really short, go ahead and give it a quick read.

I'll just be looking at picture of cute baby animals while I wait for you to finish reading. 

Take your time.

Having been a school teacher, I know that many of you won't do the reading assignment so I'll give you the highlights. The author, Tsh, challenges parents to teach manners by example. She points out that we all tell our children not to interrupt other people when they are speaking, but, we, as adults, often interrupt and cut off children when they are speaking. She points out the double standard and challenges herself, and the readers, to give children the same respect we want them to show others.

So, this is a topic that really has grabbed my attention as a linguist.  Parents are, whether they realize it or not, teaching pragmatics and social cues to their kids.  I am embarrassed to admit that this (interrupting) is one area I really struggle with. I like to blame my ADHD. I interrupt people way too much and I'm actually actively trying to work on it and to be more respectful. I certainly don't want to pass on my bad behavior to my kids so, if Tsh is onto something here, I really need to work on my own behavior.

Do you agree? Are we obliged to wait patiently and listen to the rambling stories of three-year-olds or, as adults, are we allowed to break the no interrupting rule?

The article raised interesting thoughts for me about power dynamics.  We, as adults, have privileges that children don't have. We can say 'adult words', drink 'adult drinks' and we have a much later bedtime. Where do we draw the line between 'modeling good behavior' and exercising adult privilege?

At what point are we being hypocritical with our actions? I don't think parents, as adults, should have to refrain from ALL behavior that children aren't allowed to engage in BUT I do see where she is coming from. If we tell our children that it is very rude to interrupt people, and then we interrupt them, aren't WE being rude and setting a bad example?  I've known parents who swore around their children, but punished children for swearing. I've known parents who spank their children for hitting other children. Doesn't this teach control and power through violence?

I briefly tried to find some science to back up her opinions but I don't think I'm searching properly. I'd love to hear your opinions on this topic and, if you find any science, share it.

Annotated Bibliography

Opinions

Do they very thing you ask of them. Tsh. http://simplemom.net/do-the-very-thing-you-ask-of-them/ 21 October 2013.
In this article a mother challenges other parents to teach their children good communication skills and manners by modeling good communication skills to them. Don't interrupt your kids, actively listen to them, treat them with the respect you want them to show others.

Exercise: Leading by Example. Linda Younes. http://blog.epa.gov/blog/2012/10/exercise-leading-by-example/. 4 October 2012
In this article, the author talks about the importance of eating a healthy diet and exercising as a good example for your children. If you tell your kids it is better to eat fruit and veg, and then you eat junk, you are sending the wrong message.

Research

Evidence for Leading by Example. Bret L Simmons. http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2011-04/evidence-for-leading-by-example/. 13 April 2011.
This article summarizes some research done that indicates that adults in the work place will follow the example of their supervisors, if the examples are conspicuous.

Other peoples' babies.

Sometimes other peoples' babies are so cute I want to scream, run over to them, and squeeze them.  Apparently, this is socially inappropriate.

Me: OMG I WANT TO SQUEEZE YOU FOREVER!!

Baby: Yeah, whatever lady. You do what you gotta. I got some seriously chewing to do here.

Don't worry, the above picture is me with a baby I actually know. I didn't steal her and squeeze her without asking.

I try not to ever look at a baby for too long without asking. I try to remember to always ask if I'm going to stare at a baby or get any closer. I certainly never touch a strange baby without asking if I can hold him or her first. Sometimes parents seem confused when I ask if I can look at their baby, but I don't want to be rude! 

I love to compliment cute babies and people seem to really enjoy receiving compliments about their cute babies. Sometimes, though, I can't help but wonder if I am bothering someone by giving them attention they didn't ask for. Maybe they don't want to deal with me gushing and squeeing at their baby.

I know that I'll love the attention that my babies will bring, I already love it when people ask to pet my dogs. My corgi, Smalls, gets so much attention.  People have literally darted across traffic to pet him. It's funny. 

So, I was wondering, how do you guys feel about paying attention to babies or when people pay attention to your baby?  I've read some about how pregnant women feel about receiving attention and how many of them feel like their baby bump suddenly becomes public property because people feel like they can just walk up and touch them.

Do you think it is okay to look at other peoples' babies? Squeeze their cheeks? Ask questions about them? Are babies private or public property? 

Conception, the miracle of life?

I think conception is one of those very mysterious things. People even call it a miracle. We all know how it basically works:

Sperm meets egg.
Zygote is form.
Zygote attaches to uterine wall
Congratulations, you've been conceived.

I beat all those other sperm to the egg. I've been a winner from the start.

I remember (or I've been told this story enough that I have false memories of it) when I learned about conception. I was asking my mom where babies come from and she, being a nurse, decided to give me the science version. She made me a peanut butter and banana sandwich  and sat me down and had be watch 'The Miracle of Life' video. I saw sperm wiggling it's way to egg right there on the TV. It was 1989. I was 5-years-old.

The story goes that, the next week, one of my kindergarten classmates was discussing his mother's pregnancy. He said, "My mommy has a BABY in her TUMMY." Kindergarten me responded, "It's in her UTERUS, stupid."

Oops.

I got sent to the principal's office. I'm still not sure if it was for using the word UTERUS or the word STUPID.

So, I've honestly never been captivated by the miracle aspect of conception. It has always been a very straightward, scientific, physical process. You don't get pregnant from prayer, you get pregnant from biology. It is a VERY clear cause and effect situation.

Or so I thought.

When you really examine the details of conception it can start to look like a miracle after all. I don't know how anyone manages to get pregnant, and certainly not on accident.

1. The woman has to be ovulating.
Do you even know what ovulating really means? About (but not exactly) once a month (usually) a fertile women's ovary releases an egg. Open season for pregnancy. This normally only happens once a cycle and you can ONLY get pregnant these two days a month. Seriously. There are only 24 days out of a year that a woman can get pregnant at max.  24 out of 365. That means women are only fertile about 6.5% percent of the time each year. Now, it is true that sperm can live for several days and so if you happen to have sex RIGHT before you ovulate and then you ovulate you could get pregnant. So, let's up the odds to 13%.

2. The sperm has to get to the egg.
Did you know that the FOOD a woman eats effects the environment she creates in her reproductive tract and can actually slow or kill off sperm?  It's true.  You might be chowing down on sperm-killing food right now and not even know it.

(There are even some theories, like the Shettles method that say that X chromosome sperm and Y chromosome sperm are different and there are ways to eat or have sex that will make it more likely for you to have a girl or a boy. Interesting but not proven by science, yet.)

3. The zygote (fertilized egg) has to make it to the uterine wall and attach.
50%, yes HALF, of all zygotes don't attach to the uterine wall and pass right through the woman's body.  This number seriously surprised me. If 50% of the time the egg gets fertilized, then just wanders out, how does anyone get pregnant on accident????

So, to be conceived your parents had to have sex during that 13% of the time that your mother was fertile, the sperm you had to compete with millions of other sperm make it to the egg, and then there was a 50% chance your mom would pee zygote you out anyway.

It's starting to look like a miracle.

Science's take on screentime

I'm afraid what I'm about to post is going to make some people uncomfortable. I actually got into a pretty bad fight with my (former?) cousin last year about this issue.  I say former because we are no longer on speaking terms.

Let me start by emphasizing that what I post, I post because I care deeply about child cognitive and physical development. I can't yet imagine how challenging it really is to be a parent. I've never been one. I've only ever been a babysitter. I'm not a mom. I'm not a caretaker. I'm just a person who is interested in gathering the best information possible to try to give my future, currently non-existent, children the best possible shot at the best possible life.

Okay, so, disclaimer out of the way.

My education background is in English and linguistics. I have two master's degrees: one in English and one in Teaching English as a Foreign Language (Applied Linguistics).  That being said, you can probably gather that I am very, very interested in language and language development.

So, time to drop the bomb. Get ready to be offended.

According to research, real actual science, children under 2 years old should have 0 minutes of screen time a day. 0. None. No screens. No TV. No video games. None.

Based on the facial expression, this baby is probably watching CSPAN.

Screen time has been shown to delay language development, social skills, and, kids who have screen time are more likely to be obese.

Here is a really great video summing it up from What to expect.

The fact is, babies don't learn from recordings or TVs. They just don't. Babies learn from interacting with the real world. They learn from talking with other people or just being talked to. They learn from touching and moving and playing. They learn from manipulating objects and discovering what happens when they push this or chew that.

TV, though captivating for us all, is not something babies can actually interact with.  There is no action and reaction. There is only noise and light. It is a one way street. The time spent staring at the TV would be much better spent with baby playing with noisy, light up toys because, even though it is again just noise and light, the baby has some control of the toy and is learning how they can influence their environment. I press this, this happens. I roll that, that happens. Fine motor skills are being developed. The movement is exercise.

The best of all is for babies to get human interaction as much as possible. Playing and singing and reading and snuggling all strengthen social bonds and help children to develop cognitive skills, social skills, and language.

Now, I understand that sometimes parents need a break and sometimes the only thing that will give mom that 15 mins she needs to take a shower is the TV. I would like to challenge you, and future self, to make screen the absolutely last resort if nothing else will work.  TV and screens should not be the go to and should not be a regular part of life.

Taking this a step further, more research indicates that children between 2 and 5 should have less than 30 mins of screen time a WEEK.  That's 5 mins a day.

So under 2 years old the goal is NONE. From 2 - 5 the goal is less than 30 mins a week.

This is what is best for the mental and physical development of the child.

Interested in why? I can give you some answers myself.

Human beings start to learn language in the womb. (Here's a study with more about that.) When a baby is born, they show preference for the language of their mother from the start.  If two people are speaking two different languages, and one if the language of the mother, the baby will react more strongly to the language of its mother.

HOWEVER, babies don't show any preference for the language content of a TV. They will look with equal attention no matter what is being shown. They aren't actually learning from the experience. It might as well be white noise as far as they are concerned.

The infant years are some of the most important for brain development. Babies should be constantly engaged with their environment and experiencing positive reinforcement and interaction with people. You can't do it over. You get that one shot.

If you are wasting this precious learning time by having a child spend a lot of time not engaging, not interacting, just staring at a screen, the child can (and statistically speaking does) fall behind.

Another important factor is the type of activity the screen time encourages. Sedentary. Babies watching TV or playing with iPads are usually sitting and staring. This article talks more about that.  Children should be moving and interacting constantly. Sitting and staring is not the best use of their time. They are exploring their bodies, shaping themselves, developing muscle strength, coordination, and motor skills. Babies have so much to learn and to do, sitting in front of a screen is just a waste.

This includes '2nd hand screen time'.  Having the screen on with the baby in the room ALSO negatively impacts the baby. Babies who are playing in the same room as a TV look at the TV at least 3x a minute. They are being distracted from their interactive, engaging play. One interesting suggestion I read said that maybe parents could talk to the kids about the TV while it is on. If you REALLY have to watch the big game or something and you are "stuck with" baby duties you can watch it if you are continuously talking with the baby at the same time.  I think that would be difficult but, then again, I've sat next to people at movie theatres who, much to my misfortune, could do it professionally.

Now, the be fair and balance, there are some studies that indicate that maybe the difference between the cognitive and physical development of babies who get screen time and those who don't has more to do with the general life style and education background of the parents than the actual screens. I've misplaced the article (I read it yesterday). It basically said that parents who let their children watch a lot of TV tend to come from poorer and less educated homes in general. They read to their kids less. They interact with their kids less in general. This is also a contributing factor to slower development. So, is it the actual TV that is the problem or is the TV just one part of a bigger picture of how low income children are being disadvantaged from the start? This one just one study done. On the whole, however, there are loads and loads of studies cautioning parents against screen time for babies.

To sum up, it is better to let your baby splash in a mud puddle than it is to let them watch TV. We live in a world of screens and it might just be impossible to actually have 0 screen time, but it is a goal worth setting and if we err on the side of caution and less screen time, it is better for the mental, emotional, social, and physical development of the baby.

If you made it this far into this blog and you feel like I'm a big mouth jerk who doesn't know how hard you have it and you think I'll change my mind when I have my own kids, that's fine. You can think it. I have no idea if I'll make the best choices for my children when my time comes.

BUT, this is what experts say. This is what science says. I make bad choices for me all the time. I spend way too much time online and I'm pretty lazy over all. I hope that when I'm a mother I am able to become a better person for my babies and make the best choices for them, even if it means missing some TV and falling behind on my Facebook feed.

Once again, comments are welcomed. Opinions, science, anecdotes. Post them here. I'm also searching for more input so that, when I have my children, I make well rounded, informed decisions.

Something to read later... advice on bedtimes

Dear Future Mama Maze,

Here is one of many articles to come that I'm posting for future reference.

No matter how much they beg and plead, no matter how much easier it would be to give in... remember, kids need stability and structure. They need rules. They might yell and scream that they want to stay up later and maybe I'll feel sorry for them and want to spend more time with them. It doesn't matter. I have to do what's best for them. No matter what, it is my duty to keep them safe and secure. I have to start early and I have to be consistent.

I don't'want to go to bed? Seriously? I love to go to bed.

Funny how things change.

Here's an article from NPR explaining the importance of keeping an early, regular bedtime.

As always, comments, suggestions, opinions, and science, welcomed in the comments.

Back on the horse

Well, today I finally got back on the 'working out' horse.

I've made some health goals both for myself and for the baby (that doesn't exist yet).

I want to eat better (more nutrition and less "junk"), drink more water, and lose 30 lbs. I'm at 172 lbs now and at 5'4" that's definitely overweight and almost obese. I need to lose some weight for my health and to protect myself and my baby from risks. Here's a website with a list of risks for obese pregnant women.

So now I just have to make sure this time I stick with it and keep working out, even if it takes a while to see a result.

I got a little discouraged last year because I felt like I was working out quite a bit but after the first couple weeks I didn't SEE any results.  It makes it hard to keep on going if it seems like nothing has changed in a month.

BUT this time I'm not doing it for me. This time it's for unborn babies who need a nice, safe, healthy place to grow. So, if I want to give up... I'll just think about having a healthy baby and hope I can make weigh the dice a little in my favor with some hard work.

First comes the love, then comes the marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage?

I love modern families. I have friends of pretty much configuration of love, marriage, baby carriage you can think of.  

I have friends who got knocked up so they decided to get married and then they fell in love.

I have friends who fell in love, had a baby, then got married.

I have friends who got married, fell in love, and then had a baby.

I also have friends who are married and not in love. Who have kids together and are not married. Who are married and in love and never want kids. Who live in a polyamorous configuration that involves love, not love, kids, no kids, and hard to keep up with legal situations.

I even have some friends who, shockingly, did it the traditional way.

I actually prefer k-i-s-s-i-n-g on the ground where things can escalate more comfortably. 

pic from this photographer

I am friends with a couple who claim that they won't get married (despite years of partnership and co-habitation) because then everyone will start asking them when they are going to have a baby and they aren't ready to deal with that,.

I honestly haven't felt a lot of pressure or gotten a lot of comments about babies since we got married. Maybe it's because we had an understandable situation, one partner with unstable income and one with no income who would soon have loads of income. I guess people understood why we were waiting. I wonder, now that our situation is changing, if I'll get more hints dropped or questions asked.

Then again, maybe people just secretly think we shouldn't have children. The combination of my insanity and his brilliance would be lethal. We could have a mad scientist on our hands here. With his problem solving skills and my charisma, our off spring could be the anti-Christ. O.O

Sometimes I hear people talk about getting married and having kids like its some inevitable next step. I've even heard women whining and crying that their boyfriends better propose soon because they don't want to have 'wasted all this time on him for nothing'.  One woman who did this fought with her boyfriend constantly. I mean threw things at each other across the house screaming and cussing, kicking and screaming, fighting. They are now married. She didn't want to 'waste her time'. We lost touch a while back. I hope married life is better than dating life was. I truly do.

You are dating, so you have to fall in love. You fall in love, so you have to get engaged. You get engaged, so you have to get married. You get married, so you have to have kids. 

Sometimes I don't think people even stop and consider if any of these things are a good idea.  I try not to live by 'have tos'.  When looking for a partner, love was part of it, but there was also a lot of pragmatic thought that went into it. Who is this person? What do we have in common, besides feelings. Where is this person going and where am I going? Is this a good partner or am I just falling into the 'don't want to be lonely' trap? Is this really a sustainable long term partnership? Do I WANT this life?

I would NEVER have married someone I got into physical fights with. That wasn't the life I wanted. But sometimes people just follow the steps. Love. Marriage. Baby Carriage. That's what I'm supposed to do.

I want my kids to know, here and now, you were not inevitable. You were not the next step. You were not just what I did because it was time. You weren't an after thought. You weren't

You were wanted. You were planned for. You were dreamed of. You were researched. You were blogged about. You were loved fiercely and completely before you were even conceived. Here I am, your mom, right here right now in 2013 dreaming about you. Taking my vitamins. Reading about conception. Preparing my body to prepare you for the best possible life.

Sure, I did love, marriage, baby carriage but if you do it another way, child o' mine, that's fine by me. You will make your own choices and live your own life and whichever life you live, traditional or not, as long as you are LIVING your life and THINKING about what you are doing I will support you and, even if you are just going through the motions, I'll still love you, fiercely. 

Pass it on

Sometimes I'm honestly a little afraid of what I will pass on to my baby.  I love myself and my partner, don't get me wrong, and I've got healthy self esteem; but I have some negative traits that I hate to spread.

I've got a history of mood disturbances, some depression, and a nice healthy dose of ADHD. There is bipolar and depression up all my lineage. What if I end up with a child predisposed to depression? I would hate to intentionally inflict that on anyone, especially my own child who I am SURE I will love more than I can imagine now.

I've had days where I swear I went through this entire list in rapid succession.

 After a year of therapy, my last therapist said that I'm not bipolar but that I have "an artistic temperament".  

Pic from this site.

Even if I don't pass on my mood swings, there are unending genetic disorders that can happen. I remember I was in 9th grade biology and we watched a video on genetic disorders. I was so traumatized I swore then and there that I wouldn't ever have a biological baby because I was so afraid it would come out seriously deformed. I've changed my mind since then, but it took me YEARS to even consider that I would ever breed offspring myself. 

Now, I hope that I'm not hurting anyone's feelings by writing this. I am aware that someone who comes across this blog someday may have or love someone who has some sort of genetic disorder. I'm not saying AT ALL that I think you are unworthy or bad or unlovable. I am acknowledging that it has made your life harder and, of course, no parent wants to see their child have a harder time or to suffer. 

I guess this is the risk we take. A lovely new friend of mine is a geneticist (a plant geneticist, but still a geneticist) and she has one of the most lovely, thoughtful, and well behaved little girls.  I think she's probably 4 or 5, I've forgotten how old she is.  I asked my friend for her secret, how she has such a great child, and she shrugged and said it was a roll of the dice. When you make a baby, you roll the dice and hope for the best.  

I have another great couple of friends with two beautiful, sweet daughters and they joke that they 'roll 20s' when it comes to making babies.  

 Not exactly the kind of toy I would use in bed but... to each his own. 

Pic from thinkgeek.com

All this talk about the randomness and unpredictability makes me nervous. How can I control for variables in this Thoughtful Human Breeding Experiment? 

I've actually read articles that insist that if you eat a certain diet you are more likely to have a girl or if you eat this other diet you are more likely to have a boy.  I know they do gene screening to check if there are any warning signs for possible genetic disorders (okay, but what do you DO with that information?). I've even read that sperm is formed in a man 3 months before it is ejaculated and so a man can alter his diet three months before you start to try to conceive to try to get a leg up to the best sperm. None of these things are a guarantee. There's not even a guarantee that I will get pregnant at all.

I had a friend who did EVERYTHING by the book PERFECT and right all the way down to the what she ate for every meal.  She had pre-clampsia and had to deliver early and almost lost her son (he was in NICU for a while and now is healthy and beautiful and perfect).

There are so many scary factors here. From the genes I'm passing to the environment I provide in the womb to factors that have nothing to do with me. From socialization to education to peers to bullies... there is no way I can protect my baby the way I want to. 

It almost makes me want to forget the whole thing. Why bring a person into this ugly world? Why risk all the bad things that could happen?

Well.... I guess we just take the risk.  I'm living in this horrid world with a mood disorder and a big nose (lol) and I'd rather be alive than non-existent so I guess I just have to believe that my child will feel the same way.

Even if something happens. Even if something goes wrong. If? When. 

I just have to love my child the best I can and hold his or her hand when it hurts and know that it is better to have existed than to have not existed. 

Formatting

Howdy. I'm working on the formatting here. I even made a banner that I think is cute. I'm not sure if I like this more or the previous more. Weigh in if you have an opinion.

<3

What's in a name?

I was talking with a friend who is trying to conceive yesterday and I asked her what names she had thought about for her future baby. She hadn't thought about it yet.

I swear my shock must have been written all over my face because her eyes got wide and she looked confused and asked me which names I had picked for my not-even-conceived-yet children.

Yes, I have names picked out. And back up names. I have a spreadsheet of names my husband and I have agreed on as acceptable with origin, meaning, current popularity, peak year of popularity and a list of common nicknames for each name.

Overkill? Probably.

I just feel like a name is so important. It is something my children will carry with them for their whole lives, unless, of course, they reject my choice and get a name change.

I want something known but not overly popular. Something easy to pronounce but interesting.  I want something that will help them to stand out but that won't hurt their future chances of getting a job. Yes, having the wrong name can hurt your chances of getting a job, for more information read this article.

I want names I will enjoy saying and hearing. I want names that nicknames in a way I like. I want names that empower my children to be well liked, successful, and happy.

Maybe I'm obsessing but I really feel like the names I choose are so important and if I make the wrong choice I, and the child, will have to live with it for the rest of my life.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T STARTED THINKING ABOUT NAMES YET????

I was almost afraid to share the names I had picked out. I was afraid people would criticize them before I had the chance to use them, that a friend might make a face or that someone would tell me some awful story of some jerk they knew with THAT name.  I have a great friend who didn't tell ANYONE the names she and her partner had chosen for their son until he was BORN because they didn't want to have to listen to people and all their opinions.

I had decided to guard my names as secret treasures until I had a chance to put them on the baby and say TOO LATE TO ARGUE HAHA I WIN.

Well, not anymore. That's stupid. Anyway, I might change my mind. I'm not even trying to conceive yet so even if I meet my health goals in optimal time (20 weeks to lose 40 lbs, hahaha yeah right, so March) and then start trying and immediately get pregnant (it happens, but not likely) that's still a year before there is a baby that needs a name.

Okay, here are my names. Oscar for a boy and Eleanor for a girl.  A year ago I had totally different names (Julian for a boy and Calliope for a girl) but Julian has become EXTREMELY popular so its okay and my dad had a fit about Calliope being 'too weird' plus I don't care for the nickname Cali, so that's out.  Now we like Oscar and Eleanor.

GO AHEAD. TELL ME THEY ARE AWFUL NAMES IF YOU WANT TO.

Oscar means Golden City. It's French. It can be shortened to Oz, which I think is great. I can call him Oscar the Grouch when he's cranky and Oscar Wilde when he's acting crazy and The Great and Power Oz when he's being awesome. I hope Oscar will have a good sense of humor, like the Muppets, and a great imagination, like Oscar Wilde. I don't particularly hope he turns out to be a cowardly con man like the Wizard, but I wouldn't mind if he learned a little magic along the way.

See, he's not all bad!

Eleanor. This one snuck up on me. I was recently at a party and there was a baby named Eleanor and I just fell mad in love. It means 'bright and shining'. It's also French but it's the French version of the Greek, Helen. She could be Elli or Nora or Nor or even Lenore (quote the Raven). It's an elegant and mature name and I hope my daughter grows up to be an elegant and mature lady (unlike her mother). I was pleased to find a nice list of strong and powerful Eleanors throughout history, including, of course, Eleanor Roosevelt.

Please don't tell my daughter that I named her after a singing rodent from the '80s.

Anyway, both names are known and easy to pronounce but not common nowadays. They both go well with Maze, our surname, and I like them.

That's right, not only have I picked named out but I've done research and have a blog's worth of reasons why I like them.

Am I too neurotic?

Interesting articles on time out and discipline

A great old friend of mine just sent me some articles on disciplining children.  I'm leaving them here for future me to revisit when Baby Maze is old enough to need discipline. Wow, that will be a long time from now. o.o

Feel free to read and to comment with personal stories, science, or thoughts.

What's Wrong with Time Outs?

This article explains why Time Outs, although better than spanking, are NOT effective for raising well balanced, disciplined children.

How to use Positive Parenting

This article explains how to use positive parenting and gentle discipline instead of punishment to correct your children's misbehavior. 

Cry it out and science

Nobody likes to hear babies cry. Well, nobody except maybe the most over the top Disney Villain.

See, even this hideous monster can't bare to see a little girl cry, even though it is literally his job.

(pic from Disney Blog)

I've read some different takes on what to do when baby is crying. Apparently the old school way is to just ignore the baby and hope it stops: cry it out. With cry it out you are supposed to teach the baby how to 'self-soothe' by making sure nothing is actually "wrong" and then just leaving the crying baby to its own devices if everything seems okay... other than the fact that your offspring is screeching its head off and leaking water from its face.

This is parent-centered child-craft.  Mommy and daddy are done messing with baby and want to sit on the couch and watch America's Next Top Model. Put crying baby into crib, close door, turn up the TV, voila.  Baby learns to self soothe and mom and dad learn which model is the skankiest.

Dangit, baby, shut up, Tyra is talking!

(pic from babble.com)

This has been the M.O. for baby raising for quite a while. Well, not anymore. New science is showing that cry it out is actually damaging to baby. It can cause baby to have abandonment issues, attachment problems, and, in extreme cases, can actually cause BRAIN DAMAGE. Yes. Brain damage. Leaving a distressed baby alone to cry and scream is extremely stressful and can release chemicals into the brain that hinder proper brain development. If you are interested in more of the science read this article from Psychology Today. Babies need attention, touch, support, and reassurance. 

People believe that if you respond too quickly and consistently to a crying baby that you will 'spoil' the baby. Science disagrees.  Giving positive attention, touch, and nurturing helps baby to grow into a compassionate, stable, and secure person. 

People like tradition, they like to do it 'old school'. Well, let's talk OLD OLD school. Ancient school. 

The real tradition of baby-care is constant interaction, touch, and soothing from parents.  Our ancient ancestors HAD to make the baby stop crying or else they would all be eaten by predators. In prehistoric times, cry it out wasn't an option. Babies were carried around all the time and soothed when they cried. You didn't stick your baby in the cave and wander off to watch America's Next Top Caveman. You took care of your baby.

There are even more implications when it comes to training humans for behavior. Human larva require socialization because we are a gregarious species. Even in the womb, fetuses are starting language development. Newborn babies respond to and show preference for the language of their mother. They've been listening to it throughout natal development. Babies need human attention to learn human social cues.

When baby is left all alone to cry and feel distressed, baby learns not to trust anyone or to make significant social bonds. Yes, a baby is going to cry a lot. Yes, a baby needs constant attention and care. Yes, a baby is going to ruin your enjoyment of America's Next Top Model. If you can't handle that then DON'T HAVE A BABY. 

I will not let me baby cry it out. I won't leave my baby to "self soothe" before he or she is developmentally ready for that step. My baby will know without a single doubt that he or she has a social safety net, a loving family, and always always the security of mom. A helpless baby IS HELPLESS and we shouldn't expect them to be otherwise. 

BABY YOUR BABY. 

If you have any stories, opinions, articles, or random comments; feel free to leave them. 

A girl, a boy, and radical feminist gender rebel shame

Here's me as a baby. See what a gender rebel I was? 

I had a faux hawk and I wore pink AND blue.

Ever since my partner (Noah) and I have acknowledged that we want kids people ask if we want a girl or a boy. As a radical feminist gender rebel I should be annoyed by this question but instead I automatically answer "both".  I don't even feel annoyed at their reinforcement of the gender binary and their presumption that we have a preference when it comes to our offspring.

The shameful true is that I DO have a preference. I do want male and female children. I even know what birth order I want. I want a girl, a boy, and then to adopt another girl. This order is important because I want my daughter to benefit from first born status (birth order research shows that first born children are more independent, leaders, and often even more intelligent).  I don't want my son to be DISADVANTAGED, it's not that I think I will love my daughter more, but in this day and age women are still automatically disadvantaged and so I think my daughter will need the leg up more than my son.

It's the same reason why I want to adopt a girl. I want to give a girl who might not have a home the advantage of a loving, nurturing home. I've always wanted to adopt and I plan to adopt last because I'm getting a late(ish) start on breeding so I feel it is smarter to have the biological children first.

So, why am I ashamed? Well, I feel like I shouldn't have a preference. Specifically wanting one (or two) or each acknowledges that there are differences that are significant. It implies that I want my children to have certain gender specific characteristics. It also possibly implies that I would be disappointed if I had children who were sexed the same OR if I had a son and a daughter and then one transitioned. Then I feel really stupid because I'm sure I'm the only person in the world having this ridiculous head game.

I don't want to reinforce the gender binary and I don't want my children to feel that they have to squeeze into some gender box or even be any specific gender BUT I also acknowledge that gender is real and no matter how I socialize my kids they will pick up gender from the environment and I certainly don't want to set my kids up to be ostracized if they are unnecessarily aberrant.

I guess I could give my kids gender neutral names and dress them in all white or black clothes and never tell anyone what gender they are and then let them make that decision when they are old enough.... but I don't want to. :P

I've got names picked out and they are obviously gendered like Oscar and Eleanor and Felix and Penelope.  I want to dress my kids in lots of colors and even in some gender specific clothes (although I think it would be fun to "cross dress" them, too).  I want to be able to be able to imbue a sense of feminine pride in my daughter, I want her to believe in girl power. I want to tell my son to be a gentleman and I want him to be a mama's boy.  To say these things almost feels like treason to me.  I actually feel guilty.

Now, I WON'T stick my kids in a gender box. Even if I do name them gender conforming names and generally socialize them towards the gender of their birth sex, I want to let them express themselves. If Oscar wants to be called Olive and wants to wear a princess dress, I'll support that.  If Eleanor wants a blue toothbrush and wants to cut her hair off, sure! If Penelope wants to be Princess Batman for Halloween, that's fine with me.  If Felix likes to wear pink sparkly shoes, go for it. They can even change their minds. I identify as a gender rebel and as gender fluid and sometimes I'm really butch, sometimes I'm really femme. It's okay. I want my kids to know that that's okay.

I guess all I can do is gently socialize them towards being socially acceptable but also to keep my eyes and mind open to support them and not to trap them or make them feel like they have to conform.

That being said... how do I nurture them to embrace the gender spectrum within us all and yet protect them from getting bullied if they choose to be nonconformist?

UG. Comments, suggestions, and articles welcomed.

Preparing the organic incubator for conception awesomeness

I'm not the type of person to rush into things. I'm a long term planner. Sometimes my ADHD makes me very impulsive, but, for the most part, I'm a planner.

That being said, I've been planning for conception for quite a long time already. I've been reading articles and books about it on and off for years. That is probably excessive but I love to be equipped with knowledge and I want to make sure I give my zygote the best possible start.

So I read this book about conception last year that told me that you should start taking prenatal vitamins many months before I start trying to conceive so that all the right vitamins will be there for my zygote to gobble up.  I've started taking a half dose of Vitafusion gummy prenatal vitamins.

Pic from A Mom's Take

I like them. So I pop one a day and on I go.  This is step one of preparing my organic incubator for the Thoughtful Human Breeding Experiment.

Part two has to do with my weight. I'm 5'4" and 172 lbs.  According to magic doctor charts I should be 130 - 140 lbs.  Oops. I want to make sure that I'm in a healthy weight range because I don't want to put the incubator (that's me) at risk for gestational diabetes.  I've also read that being overweight can interfere with fertility and contribute to miscarriage and birth defects. I certainly don't want to put my fetus at risk. All the head knowledge in the world won't help if I don't do anything about it.

I'm going to join the gym tomorrow and start incorporating cardio and strength training into my life. I also got a pair of quad skates and my husband got our bicycles fixed up. I'm only 29, relatively healthy, able bodied, and I only work part-time. The only thing stopping me from meeting my health goals is my own laziness. No more excuses. The Thoughtful Human Breeding Experiment has begun and phase one is preparing the incubator for maximum effectiveness.

If you have any tips of great things to eat, exercises to do, or fun stories I'd love to hear them.  A great new dad friend of mine with a one year old daughter told me to get as much sleep as I can now because he's still sleep deprived.  I'm going to take that to heart. Good night internet.

The Thoughtful Human Breeding Experiment

This is me.

I'm almost 30. I'm married. My partner has a good job. We are about to have insurance. I guess it's time to breed.

A lot of my friends have been producing offspring lately.  Really cute offspring for the most part. It makes my uterus cry out in hunger.  FEED ME. FEEEED ME.

I've heard compelling reasons for and against reproducing. I watched friends go through pregnancy and successfully start raising children. I've also watched friends successfully avoid pregnancy and start accumulating massive piles of money and expensive but awesome hobbies. I have to confess, the prospect of potential eternal wealth and limitless vintage possessions does have some appeal. I love eating out in nice restaurants. I love traveling. I love day sex. The thought of giving up my very fun and fulfilling life for the unknown is a bit scary.  I like that I can go out for karaoke all night at the drop of a hat (if I want to). I like that I can decide that I don't feel like cooking and stroll down to the restaurant without a fuss. Kids will complicate, maybe eliminate, these things.

The thing is, I'm a bit scared of being a mother because I'm determined to be the absolute best possible mother I can be. That's a lot of work. I've already started to do research on conception, pregnancy, and child raising. I often find myself intently studying parents and children interacting with each other. I seek out and read academic (and sometimes pop culture) articles about parenting. I talk with my mom friends and ask them what is probably an irritating amount of questions about the choices they make with their young.  I don't just want to have a kid, I want to conduct a thoughtful human breeding experiment.

As obsessed as I've become with childcraft you'd think I'd be chomping at the bit to get one growing.  Well, it's complicated. First of all, as I stated above, the idea of giving up my happy life is scary. What if I miss it? What if I'm one of those people who don't actually take to motherhood?  I know that is taboo to talk about but I have had friends, who shall remain anonymous, who confessed to me that they love their children but they probably should never have had them because they just don't have the mothering or fathering instinct. What if my mothering instinct doesn't kick in properly? What if I resent my children and I'm a bad mother?

Secondly, I know that once I start any mistakes I make are for real. If my body isn't in the right condition I could cause damage to my fetus. If I give the wrong toys, I could developmentally delay my baby. If I say the wrong thing I could emotionally scar my toddler. It's really, really scary. I want to give my kids the best ever life ever. I want them to be glad I'm their mother. I want to have a close knit family. I want my kids to say I'm the best mom in the world and to mean it. I guess all moms want that. I see mom friends who have that closeness with their kids and I study them as closely as I can. What do they say? What do they do? How do they interact with their kids. I study them and I try to store it away in my brain.

Despite all my anxiety about the issue it doesn't seem possible that we won't have children. My husband definitely wants them and hasn't shown the slightest hesitation about it. Now, that being said, he did tell me that it is MY choice because it is MY body and I'll be the primary care taker. I love him to bursting for that because he is so understanding. I haven't felt any pressure from him to decide FOR kids. I do know it is something he really, really wants but I also know that if I did decide against it that he would still love me and we would make our life together without them and there wouldn't be any problem. That means a lot to me. I'm so glad he has given me that choice. Anyway, since he definitely wants them and I do want them, even if I'm scared, I've decided that we should go for it.

So, now starts the Thoughtful Human Breeding Experiment. I'm still on the pill but I'm gearing my mind and body up for the breeding phase. This blog will be for jotting down ideas, feelings, articles, pictures, and, hopefully, for sharing the discoveries I make along the way with whoever else is interested in Thoughtful Human Breeding.