Personal Log - Preparing to try to get pregnant

So I mostly want this blog to be a wealth of information but I think sometimes I'll post something personal.

Today I am nauseous. Again. Nauseous and tired and moody. It's not the good 'there's a baby growing inside me teehee' nauseous. It's the 'I'm on hormone pills because my body won't cooperate and this is the way the doctor thinks I could get a baby growing inside me' nauseous.

I haven't been officially declared 'infertile' yet but I don't get periods naturally so my doctor and I decided to tackle this now instead of waiting a year (a year of anxious 'trying') and I'm preparing myself for some fertility treatments to try to make sure I ovulate.  My doctor says that I don't have fertility signs so I probably either DON'T ovulate or I ovulate infrequently so, being 30, we are going to go ahead and try to convince my body that it would really like to ovulate, actually.

So I'm on progestin.  Progestin makes me crazy. It makes me moody, nauseous, tired, dizzy, headachy, and I get acne. I guess this is good practice for the 'real deal' when I am pregnant and experiencing all those lovely symptoms. For possibly 9 straight months. Can I handle it? Can my partner handle it? I guess we do what we have to do.

I've been back to yoga fairly consistently (yay) and taking my prenatal vitamins and eating pretty well. I've been incorporating more physical activity in my life. Now I just need to start updating this blog again and pretty soon I'll take clomid (an ovulation drug) and start actually 'trying' to get pregnant.

Baby Maze you were NOT an accident and you most definitely planned for.  I'm taking my pills. I'm doing my activities. I'm reading my articles. I'm suffering from nausea and mood swings and pimples and tiredness... just so you can exist. See, you were loved before you were even a zygote.

Teaching consent from a young age

This is a great video that goes over issues of consent and how we accidentally teach kids not to respect physical boundaries and not to trust their gut feelings.  This is wonderful.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/09/ways-parents-teach-consent-doesnt-matter/

Here is a summary:

1. When you are physically playing with your child (tickling, roughhousing) STOP when they say stop.  If they say no or stop, even if you know they want to keep playing, stop touching them until they are you to keep playing. This teaches them that NO and STOP are words that we respect and listen to.

2. Don't contradict your kids feelings. If they say they are cold or they aren't hungry or they don't like something, even if you think they are wrong, ask them more questions about it for clarification instead of saying "you can't be cold, it's hot in here" or "you must be hungry, you haven't eaten.". Instead say "You are cold? I'm hot! Are you sure you are cold?" or "Wow, you aren't hungry? We haven't had lunch yet. I'm hungry. Are you sure you can't eat a little."

3. Don't make them touch, hug, or kiss someone they don't want to. Even if it makes them look rude when they won't hug grandma. Let your kids have autonomy over their own bodies.

4. Be careful about teaching kids that older, bigger, or stronger people are more important than them. All people deserve our respect but we also have to trust our own instincts and not just submit to people who are older and stronger.

More on effects of diet at conception and during pregnancy (epigenetics)

The nutrition a mother gets at conception impacts which genes switch on and off in those first few days.  Weight also matters. This study looked specifically at a few genes and vitamin B.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/04/29/307787984/moms-diet-right-before-pregnancy-can-alter-babys-genes?

Another study shows that eating a very high fat diet can change the neural relays in the fetuses brain and lead to obesity. This study was done on mice but scientists believe it could happen in humans, too.  A healthy diet is vital for a healthy baby.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2014/01/16/263110970/does-moms-pregnancy-diet-rewire-babys-brain-for-obesity

I really gotta make sure I am eating right and getting my exercise. I don't want my children to suffer because I was too lazy. :(

Book recommendations

I'm looking for recommendations of books to read. If there is a book you read and got great information from, please share it in the comments. I'm making a list of recommended books to get through before I'm swept up in pregnancy and child raising. I will, of course, write a book review and try to share the 'best' tips out of the books I read here.

Here is a link to my current list of recommendations. It's a google doc.

I am very into researching before getting into this baby-breeding project.  I know that every baby and every situation is different and so I am hoping to get a wide enough knowledge base that I have fall back plans.

Some parents have warned me that I am, perhaps, overthinking all this. It has been suggested that I should relax and trust that my 'gut' will tell me the right thing to do. I've heard that all the books in the world won't prepare you, that the information can be wrong, that my baby might be an outlier anyway... well... I still want to read up. I'm an academic at heart. I'm a reader. I'm an inquisitive person. I love to learn.

I know I can't learn all I need to know about breeding a wonderful, thoughtful human just from books but I don't see how they could do any harm.

Which books do YOU recommend?

Beautiful

Here is a really beautiful post I just read on another blog about what a baby wants to say to you when he or she is crying.

http://www.ourmuddyboots.com/12-things-your-crying-baby-wants-you-to-know/


I love it.

Baby body and self esteem

A great friend of mine asked me to look into baby body and self esteem. How do women cope with the dramatically and socially unacceptable changes that happen when they are pregnant?  Women are "supposed to be" thin, smooth, and tight; pregnancy expands, wrinkles, and stretches.

Taryn Brumfitt, Founder Body Image Movement

It is perfectly normal to have an emotional reaction to the changes that occur in the body due to pregnancy, especially if you are the sort of person who is already very concerned about the way your body looks.

Now, full disclosure, this is an issue I never would have thought to cover because, up to now, I've not been overly concerned with the way my body looks. I want to be healthier and stronger but for pragmatic reasons (I want to live a long, full life and be able to take care of myself).  I'm not saying this to brag, it is just a fact. I've never been the sort of person who has had body image problems. I totally accept that pregnancy could change this and make me worried about the changes my body undergoes and so it is valuable for me to look into this issue now.

ONWARD.

First of all, there are women who are horrified at the thought of looking fat, even if only temporarily. Some women feel like pregnancy just makes them look fat and awful and they can't stand it.  I, of course, think pregnancy bump is super adorable and doesn't look "FAT"*. I think pregnancy should be a time to enjoy the power evolution has given us women. I wish everyone could be excited about the new life that is coming and not be burdened with the pain from body image issues.  It is hard for me to say what will happen.

So, moving on, pregnancy changes a woman's body, usually a lot. Weight is gained. Stretching occurs. Hormones can have all sorts of other interesting outcomes. The only "good" change I've ever heard is that your breasts swell and get bigger (not so good if you are already starting out as a G like I am.)  Everything gets bigger and more intense because of the baby.

Then, so I've read, after the birth women bleed for weeks, your vagina can be stretched or even ripped, hemorrhoids are common and some pee or mess themselves for weeks or months after.

MOTHERS: How do you prepare for this? How do you deal with this? How can you love your pregnancy, love your body, and love yourself?

Suggested Reading.

A blog from a mother explaining some of the changes her body has undergone because of pregnancy. http://www.mamamia.com.au/body-image/taryn-brumfitt-christmas/

Advice on dealing with body changes. http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-body/weight-gain/pregnancy-body-image/#page=2

A list of 'unexpected' body changes. http://www.babycenter.com/0_9-post-baby-body-changes-no-one-tells-you-about_10347025.bc?page=1


*(Disclaimer: I am not one to "fat" shame. In my experience there is no magic weight or body fat distribution that guarantees that a person will be unattractive to me.  I would also like to point out that other women don't owe me their attractiveness anyway and so them being or not being attractive does not effect how I value them.)

Finding a lab partner, a personal story with a little bit of science sprinkled in.

Back in December, Noah (my partner) and I did a three day trip out to visit some family and friends.  While we were there we visited some friends who have two beautiful daughters, a 1-year-old and a 7-year-old. Both of them are priceless little treasures, seriously good kids.

My husband did not grow up around kids. His only sibling is a few years behind him and all his cousins are within a stone's throw of his age. Throughout his life he mostly avoided babies and as an adult he just hasn't had many friends with kids around.  When I first discovered this it made me the slightest bit nervous. I've ALWAYS been around kids. I babysat from when I was 12 on. Although this doesn't qualify me as a kid expert, at least I have some experience. He has none.

Since he and I got together he's always said that he wants kids someday. I wondered if he really had any idea what that means. He's an introvert who absolutely requires quiet, alone time to function. He hates to be late. He has spent his life avoiding kids. He's even afraid to look at them because, as a single guy, he's always been afraid people would think it was weird if he was talking to or looking at their kids.  I, on the other hand, as a young (am I still young?) woman have never felt that it would be weird for me to talk to kids. Women are totally allowed to talk to, look at, and smile at children.

So rewind a couple years. My husband and I have just gotten together and we go visit my 30-year-old aunt and my little cousins (I believe 1 and 4 at the time).  I'm not sure what to expect from my then boyfriend in regards to my little cousins. I suspect he will awkwardly avoid them because, at that time, he had  pretty much literally never interacted with children.  Within half and hour of being there my awkward geeky boyfriend is rolling around on the floor with my 4 year old bundle of curls and joy cousin and she is shrieking with delight. He chased her, danced with her, read to her, talked with her, answered all her weird little 4 year old questions and asked her great questions back. It was as if he had grown up in the Duggar family and had gone on to get a Ph.D in child development.

It may have been right then and there that I knew for a fact that he was a keeper. That was the man I wanted to be my lab partner for my thoughtful human breeding experiment. He is dependable, kind, patient, intelligent, hard working, useful, and great with kids. Great genes + helpful = yes please.

My husband said his favorite part of the trip was playing 'drum on the table' with the 1-year-old. I think he's ready.

Our cute little family: Smalls, Noah, Elizabeth, and Lola.

So, science time? There are some really compelling studies about how women's attraction to men varies throughout the menstrual cycle. When women are ovulating they are more attracted to traditionally 'masculine' men, specifically the testosterone. There was a study done in which women were asked which part of their cycle they were on and then where asked to rate how attractive a series of faces were. The faces were of 5 men who were then photoshopped into 25 faces in which they had feminized and masculinized and original 5 faces.  Women consistently choose the more 'masculine' versions of the faces if they were near ovulation and the more 'feminine' versions when they were menstruating.

So basically, what you think of a man on your first date can be totally effected by when you are on your cycle! Your initial 'chemistry' or attraction to a man isn't necessarily proof that you are soul mates or meant to be... it could just be your eggs aching for some good, strong, manly genetic material.

The connection, however, DOES go both ways. In another study, men who sniffed t shirts that had been worn by a woman near ovulation showed an immediate increase in testosterone production. My word.  We think we are in control of our lives but it's chemicals we can't consciously control running the show like secret back seat drivers.

I want to look more into the science of attraction because I find it very interesting but, for now, it is a bit late and I want to keep my commitment to myself to keep up better with posting so I will post and do a follow up in the future!


Annotated Bibliography

Hormones & Desire. Bridget Murray Law. American Psychological Association.  http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/03/hormones.aspx. March 2011

Details about how the hormones released during different parts of the menstrual cycle effect attraction.