My husband did not grow up around kids. His only sibling is a few years behind him and all his cousins are within a stone's throw of his age. Throughout his life he mostly avoided babies and as an adult he just hasn't had many friends with kids around. When I first discovered this it made me the slightest bit nervous. I've ALWAYS been around kids. I babysat from when I was 12 on. Although this doesn't qualify me as a kid expert, at least I have some experience. He has none.
Since he and I got together he's always said that he wants kids someday. I wondered if he really had any idea what that means. He's an introvert who absolutely requires quiet, alone time to function. He hates to be late. He has spent his life avoiding kids. He's even afraid to look at them because, as a single guy, he's always been afraid people would think it was weird if he was talking to or looking at their kids. I, on the other hand, as a young (am I still young?) woman have never felt that it would be weird for me to talk to kids. Women are totally allowed to talk to, look at, and smile at children.
So rewind a couple years. My husband and I have just gotten together and we go visit my 30-year-old aunt and my little cousins (I believe 1 and 4 at the time). I'm not sure what to expect from my then boyfriend in regards to my little cousins. I suspect he will awkwardly avoid them because, at that time, he had pretty much literally never interacted with children. Within half and hour of being there my awkward geeky boyfriend is rolling around on the floor with my 4 year old bundle of curls and joy cousin and she is shrieking with delight. He chased her, danced with her, read to her, talked with her, answered all her weird little 4 year old questions and asked her great questions back. It was as if he had grown up in the Duggar family and had gone on to get a Ph.D in child development.
It may have been right then and there that I knew for a fact that he was a keeper. That was the man I wanted to be my lab partner for my thoughtful human breeding experiment. He is dependable, kind, patient, intelligent, hard working, useful, and great with kids. Great genes + helpful = yes please.
My husband said his favorite part of the trip was playing 'drum on the table' with the 1-year-old. I think he's ready.
Our cute little family: Smalls, Noah, Elizabeth, and Lola.
So, science time? There are some really compelling studies about how women's attraction to men varies throughout the menstrual cycle. When women are ovulating they are more attracted to traditionally 'masculine' men, specifically the testosterone. There was a study done in which women were asked which part of their cycle they were on and then where asked to rate how attractive a series of faces were. The faces were of 5 men who were then photoshopped into 25 faces in which they had feminized and masculinized and original 5 faces. Women consistently choose the more 'masculine' versions of the faces if they were near ovulation and the more 'feminine' versions when they were menstruating.
So basically, what you think of a man on your first date can be totally effected by when you are on your cycle! Your initial 'chemistry' or attraction to a man isn't necessarily proof that you are soul mates or meant to be... it could just be your eggs aching for some good, strong, manly genetic material.
The connection, however, DOES go both ways. In another study, men who sniffed t shirts that had been worn by a woman near ovulation showed an immediate increase in testosterone production. My word. We think we are in control of our lives but it's chemicals we can't consciously control running the show like secret back seat drivers.
I want to look more into the science of attraction because I find it very interesting but, for now, it is a bit late and I want to keep my commitment to myself to keep up better with posting so I will post and do a follow up in the future!
Annotated Bibliography
Hormones & Desire. Bridget Murray Law. American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/03/hormones.aspx. March 2011
Details about how the hormones released during different parts of the menstrual cycle effect attraction.
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