Another paper came out earlier this year against spanking. If you are thinking about putting together a well researched method of discipline, I urge you to look at all the evidence against spanking.
Research on spanking: It's bad for all kids
When I talk to parents about how they discipline their children I almost always hear stories from parents who say their kids were SO SO bad and SO unruly this was the only thing they could do. It's always a story about having three boys who just ran wild or having a kids who was so stubborn that nothing else got through to that kid. They never tell me what else they tried, however, or how consistent they were with their discipline.
Spanking is the easy way out. You don't have to keep an eye on the kid like with time out. You don't have to endure the whining like with taking away a privilege. I've even heard parents say there was something satisfying about spanking the child and asserting their authority.
I hope I don't go for the easy way out. I hope I am able to guide my kids with work, love, consistent boundaries, and patience.
If anyone is short on ideas I could help recommend a few.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, spanking is negatively reinforcing for the person doing the spanking. Kid is doing something annoying or bad, you spank and the kid stops the annoying /bad behavior in the short term. This reinforces using a spanking next time you want him to stop doing something. And you find yourself doing it again.
Just this week I heard a father spank his very young daughter in a store because she "Wouldn't hold daddy's hand" and for some strange reason the dad was surprised his daughter cried after being spanked. So he threatened to spank her again.
How much sense does that make? And yet I hear it all the time. "I'm going to hit you again because you're naturally reacting to me hitting you the first time"
Really? And this teaches your daughter to hold your hand how?
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DeleteHe told her to stop crying or he'd spank her again. Teaching her that her feelings and reaction to pain, and hurt feelings are not valid and irrational and not of his concern.
DeleteNice lesson dad.